What Kind of Poker Player Are You — Low Limit Holdem Strategy and Tactics

Ten questions. Pick the answer that sounds most like you, or the one your regular game would pick on your behalf. This is a poker-personality quiz for fun, not a test of whether you can beat the game.

1 Pocket eights

You have 88 in a six-way limit Holdem pot. The flop is K-Q-7. There’s a bet and a raise before it reaches you.

Fold. These eights have already seen more of the world than I intended. Fold, and watch who pays two bets to find out whether a king is good. Reraise. We’ve heard enough from the people with cards. Call now, so my next fold looks like a bluff. Fold. I came to play poker, not fund a two-out research project.

2 Car advice

A friend wants your help choosing a car. What do you do?

Calculate depreciation, fuel costs and the implied odds of them paying me back. Explain why their last car was a mistake. They haven’t asked about that, but we have time. Ask whether the cup holder fits a casino coffee and the trunk fits a buffet tray. Go with them. I like the blue one. They seem happy with the blue one. Warn them about my last car. Perfect driving, terrible mechanics, nine inexplicable curbs.

3 The bad beat

Your opponent calls all the way and hits their miracle river card. Your first response is…

“Nice hand.” Same decisions next time, shorter story afterward. Order another drink and ask whether we’re straddling. Apparently we’re not. I ask again. “That’s fine.” Then reconstruct the hand for anyone with working ears. Check how much I’d have saved by folding preflop. Begin there. “I nearly folded one like that earlier!” We compare notes.

4 Your kind of room

What makes a poker room your kind of place?

A friendly game where several people have plans for the money before they win it. Good food, comfortable chairs and a game I can hear from the buffet. A readable rake schedule. Romance is important. A table that thinks it has me figured out. Ideally, it’s wrong in several directions. Players willing to discuss a hand. Players unwilling to discuss a hand are also acceptable.

5 Keeping score

How do you keep track of your poker results?

I remember the wins. I can prove the losses were unusual. I count what’s left. Sometimes there’s a chip in the laundry, which is encouraging. Sessions, hours, game conditions. The ledger does not accept ‘but I was due.’ Enough to know how I’m doing, without making a losing session my autobiography. Spreadsheet. Backups. Pivot tables. The graph has a graph.

6 Sunglasses

What is your position on sunglasses at the poker table?

Essential. If I can’t see my cards clearly, nobody can read my reaction. Unnecessary. My face has not changed since I folded jacks in 2004. Fine, but I can explain which tells they fail to conceal. I wear them on the back of my head so the whole table knows I’m dangerous. They make it hard to tell whether the buffet shrimp are cooked.

7 Poker books

How do poker books fit into your life?

They hold my place in the buffet line when a friend is there to guard them. I read, try something useful, then reread the bit I misunderstood. They confirm that folding is available in a remarkable number of situations. Small Stakes Holdem has tabs, notes and a supplementary depreciation schedule for my friend’s car. I display them face down. No free information.

8 The new player

A new player sits down and asks a basic rules question. What happens next?

They receive a complete answer, three exceptions and a demonstration nobody requested. I answer, then warn them about the seat. That seat has been getting everything. I’m relieved. I was about to ask the same thing. I answer clearly and make them feel welcome. A pleasant table is good for everybody. I explain that the first raise is a courtesy. The dealer immediately corrects me.

9 Your poker bag

Which item best belongs in your poker bag?

A starting-hand chart with ‘suited’ circled, underlined and perhaps overemphasized. A notebook in code. I’ve forgotten the code, which means it’s working. A loyalty card with more points than my last winning session. A spare deck, for explaining a hand to someone who was trying to leave. A card protector heavy enough to discourage me from lifting my cards.

10 Quitting time

It’s time to leave. What finally gets you out of your chair?

They close the game. I ask about the one forming tomorrow. My preset stopping time. I have already calculated the effect of walking to the car. I’m tired and not making good decisions. There will be another game. One more hand. I refuse to let the deck think it won. The game has stopped being good. I’d rather leave than manufacture an opportunity.